I Feel Unpretty
by Nekofan123
Summary: Rin has been battling anorexia for the past year. Her former girlfriend, Gumi, has been fighting her on the issue, but not even she can get her to change. As Rin's health dwindles, Gumi realizes that true love requires sacrifice, and forms a last resort. Gumi/Rin oneshot.


**This is a very loose songfic for "I Feel Pretty/Unpretty". It's not meant to be cheerful. You've been warned.**

_**I feel pretty**_

"Happy birthday to Rin, happy birthday to you!" The class of third graders finished, all gathered around the blonde-haired girl sitting at the lunch table.

"Do you know long it took to bake the oranges?" A green-haired girl near the front explained to the girl. "I didn't realize baking with fruit could be so difficult!"

"Thank you so much, Gumi!" Rin beamed, staring at the decadent orange cake she had been given. Gumi smiled back and sliced into the cake with a plastic knife, handing Rin the first piece. Grabbing her fork, Rin tucked into the slice eagerly.

"It's delicious!" Rin exclaimed around a mouthful of the sugary goodness.

"You've got frosting all over your face, Rin." One of the girls giggled. Rin paused in her indulgence, her cheeks flushing as she quickly it wiped away. The other classmates joined in the laughing, causing Rin to go even redder and sink down in her chair. Gumi, noticing the laughing, quickly imitated Rin's mannerisms, splattering the sweet paste over her nose and cheeks. The attention was quickly directed to her.

"Ha, Gumi's got even more!" Someone else cried, as they all turned to Gumi. Gumi caught Rin's gaze and winked. Rin shot her a thankful smile in reply. This wasn't the first time Gumi had performed such an action to save her from classmate humiliation. Rin remembered when she'd tripped and fell in front of her class, and Gumi quickly followed suit, only making hers for more exaggerated and comedic. There was also the time Rin came to school with her shirt inside out, and Gumi simply stated it was the latest fashion and proceeded to turn her shirt inside out, too. Rin never did have much self confidence, but Gumi seemed to constantly compensate for that. To Rin, Gumi was everything she wasn't: strong, intelligent, witty, funny…

_"And pretty."_ Rin thought sadly, staring at her half-eaten piece of cake.

_**I feel unpretty**_

Gumi sat across the table from Rin, giving the blonde a long and cold stare. The blonde refused to meet her gaze, her eyes glued to the floor.

"You are not going to skip lunch again, Rin." Her firm utterance came out as more of a growl, and Rin visibly winced. Noticing her former girlfriend's pained expression, Gumi regretted her actions instantly. The two had been friends since grade school, and had later identified with the fact they were both bisexual. They had confessed their love for one another by high school, but it was around that time that Gumi learned of Rin's eating disorder. With a sigh, Rin halfheartedly picked up her chopsticks and ate a single roll of sushi.

"There." She said, swallowing roughly as though she'd just consumed a pint cough syrup. "Happy now, Gumi?" The greenette raised an eyebrow.

"I thought you said you were better, Rin." Gumi picked her words carefully. She was too used to this routine by now; Rin would attempt to starve herself, Gumi would catch her, and then Rin would claim to be "better". At one point, Rin started eating consistently, and Gumi thought she might have healed. That was until she caught Rin making herself sick in one of the school bathroom stalls. At that time, Gumi regretted her actions again; she had stormed right up to Rin and slapped her across the face. She'd broken up with Rin soon after, but hearing how her condition worsened by the day led her to come back and resume care over her friend.

"I _am_ better!" Rin quickly retorted. "I've stopped making myself sick, you know."

"That's not better, Rin," Gumi replied, trying to keep her voice even. "I can't hound you on this forever-"

"Then stop!" Rin snapped, glaring at the greenette. "I'm not asking you to patrol me like I'm a toddler with a choking hazard. I'm just trying to lose a few un-needed pounds, that's all. Why don't you just leave me alone?" Gumi stood up immediately, slamming her hands on the table and leaning over to Rin.

"Because you almost died, Rin!" She hissed. Rin cringed back at the harshness in Gumi's tone. "You're disillusioned. Every weight you see on the scale is considered fat to you, even if it's dangerously low. I may not be your girlfriend anymore, but I still care about your wellbeing." Gumi paused, taking a deep breath. Rin noticed tiny beads of liquid forming at the bases of Gumi's eyes as she continued, "I want the old you back, the you from when we were kids. Before you started starving yourself, thinking that all that food did to you was make you overweight. Where is that girl, Rin?" Rin didn't reply, her eyes casted downward. Gumi studied Rin carefully.

"Look at me." She demanded. Rin still didn't meet her gaze. She sat back, shaking her head slowly.

"You know what? I was wrong," Gumi muttered, feeling her tears finally leaving her eyes. "You didn't almost die…you're already dead. You've killed my best friend."

"G-Gumi, please don't cry!" Rin quickly stammered. Gumi was suppose to be the tough one of the two, and Rin had rarely seen her cry. The only time she actually shed tears was when Rin had been hospitalized prior to passing out from malnutrition, and those tears hadn't even been for herself. Rin reached out a tentative hand.

"Gumi…" She whispered. "Please don't…" Gumi slapped her hand away.

"What do I have to do, Rin?" Gumi asked hoarsely. "I've tried so hard to make you understand, to try and understand _you_. But it didn't make a bit of a difference." Her voice dropped even lower, so quiet Rin could barely hear. "I still love you, Rin. You've owned my heart ever since I first confessed to you. That's never going to change." Gumi wiped her eyes a final time and stood up again, only this time walking away from the table.

"Gumi, wait!" Rin called, but Gumi ignored her, tossing her empty bento box in the trash. It pained the greenette deeply, knowing that there was nothing she could do to help the girl she loved. Rin wasn't better. In fact, she was dangerously thin again. And if Rin died on Gumi's account…the girl didn't even want to consider it. But she was left with so few options; she felt completely helpless in saving the love of her life.

_"There's only one way for me to do this."_ Gumi realized, glancing at the trash can. It was stupid, and it was harmful, but Rin was worth it to her. With a determined stare, Gumi silently pledged her life to Rin's.

_"We'll be together in life or in death. Because no matter how hard I try, I can't make you see that you're so very pretty."_

_**I feel so damn unpretty**_

Gumi sat across from Rin at lunch, but this time without a bento box. The blonde noticed the change instantly.

"Aren't you going to get your lunch, Gumi?" Rin asked her, puzzled. The greenette shook her head.

"Nope. Not hungry." She replied, watching Rin's reaction carefully.

"Ok…" Rin muttered, dropping the issue and continuing mindless talk with the other students. This trend continued for a few days, and Rin grew more and more wary every time Gumi came up with her excuses, like that she forgot to pack food or she had had a large breakfast. Gumi _was_ Rin's best friend, and Rin cared about her wellbeing, too.

_"Maybe she's sick?" _Rin thought to herself near the end of the week. Unlike Gumi, Rin actually had a reason for her fasting; she needed to lose weight. A glance in the mirror always proved that to her, reminding her that unnecessary calories merely fattened her up. But Gumi was close to perfect, so she clearly had no need to diet. On the last day of class, Rin prepared herself to question her friend.

"Oh, you finally brought you food!" Rin broke into a smile, noticing the bento box in the greenette's hand and inwardly sighing. But despite her cheerful expression, Gumi noticed the dark, sickly circles under Rin's eyes. "You were really worrying me, you know. You yourself used to tell me that you live to eat!"

"And I can see that you didn't bring anything. Again." Gumi observed, ignoring Rin's attempts at being friendly. Rin's smile faded.

"Well, I…wasn't planning on eating lunch today. I weighed myself this morning and I've gained three pounds since I started eating dinner again." She instinctively winced, expecting her friend to berate her, but Gumi's expression was eerily calm.

"In that case, I suppose I should stop eating dinner, too." Gumi told her, gazing at her coolly.

"W-what do you mean?" Rin questioned, disturbed by Gumi's tone.

"I've already quit eating lunch, but it looks like dinner will have to go on that list, too."

"Are you dieting?" Rin asked her, "Because if you are, you have no need to! You're pretty just the way you are." Gumi suddenly laughed, but not the lighthearted giggling Rin was used to; it was a dark and almost sarcastic chuckle, making the blonde shudder.

"Such familiar words," She managed when she caught her breath. "But they have little value. I recall telling you the exact same thing not long ago, Rin. It didn't make a difference though, did it? So why should it to me?" Rin's eyes widened when she realized what she was implying.

"No, Gumi! You shouldn't be starving yourself! I don't know who told you you were overweight, but when I find them-"

"No one told me anything, Rin," Gumi interrupted her. "I'm doing this for you."

"For…me?"

"Yes. I've been in control of whether or not you live for so long…now you get a turn."

"G-Gumi-chan…" Rin trailed, but she was too shocked to say more. Even if she could think properly, she had no idea what she could say. She can't stop Gumi..._just like Gumi couldn't stop her._

"Perhaps now you understand, Rin." Gumi told her, turning on her heels and walking away. "I love you too much to live without you. So, I'm only going to eat when you do. And if you wish to remain how you are…at least we can go down together."

"Gumi, please, no!" Rin begged weakly. But Gumi didn't look back, tossing her full bento box into the trash as she left the dining hall.

**This story actually has a lot of personal value for me; I've never had anorexia myself, but I've been in close connection with someone who did, and it was very rough and frustrating. Thanks for everyone who took the time to read it, it's a sad topic that I wish wasn't such a prominent issue today.**


End file.
